is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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