Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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