You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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