Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
