Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
