....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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