I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
