see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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