You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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