She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
