yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
