dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize