all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
