WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
