everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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