u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize