She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
