I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
