i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I stole a fireplace last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
