You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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