i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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