Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
