my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
