he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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