your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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