arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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