we need to drink 2009 down the drain
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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