It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize