Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Randomize
