Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
