My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
