God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
