two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
