The best revenge is premature balding
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
