can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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