the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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