she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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