It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
