Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize