i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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