Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
