so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
