Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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