and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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