Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
