ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
