allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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