I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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