Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
