gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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