just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
