somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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