ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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