We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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