The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The air was thick with penises
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
