I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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