How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Terrible idea I love it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
