Moan for me like Helen Keller
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are the jesus of drinking
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
