What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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