5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
